Somymatsu

Well for those who are interested me still, my new DA is



I mostly post on my tumblr though, but I'll try to be active on DA.

This account is officially dead.

This is my last apology before I put this year long fight that I started to rest.

I did start this. I did harass people to get what I wanted. I didn't stop until now.

Why did I do the thing I did? I was never told why I was a problem. All I got was anger from my ex and people who immediately judged my actions without real research.

Does that mean I'm blaming my ex and her white knights? No. I am only saying the reason and it was why I kept going. My disability wasn't the main problem, I was not clear about that. My disability only made it more dramatic and over the top then it need to be.

I harassed not only my ex, but people who knew us and who I had respect for. My actions were so terrible, that I am glad friends spoke up and told me what I was doing.

I found out why my ex didn't want me in my life after waiting and harassing her for a year. Our relationship was mostly rping. It wasn't fully, but that was why we stayed as a couple for so long. We did call each almost every night for an hour for 2 years and had normal conversations, but there wasn't more to that. I was forceful with ideas, but my ex never spoke up to tell me what she wanted. It was unstable and I relied on that happiness that I got. I relized now that it was not a good relationship, that we didn't build it and there was nothing more we could of done... I wish I was told that from the beginning. All I got was anger and no detailed reason. Does that matter? No, but telling the past is important.

I became so blind that I did terrible actions to make myself feel better and maybe get what I wanted. Those actions are unforgivable and I don't want to be forgiven for them. I am ashamed of myself and the actions that I put into motion. I am forever grateful for the people who spoke up and simple told me calmly and politely what I was doing.

My EX wasn't respectful and she didn't speak up the real reasons. I'm not saying that she should of, because she couldn't. She didn't know she was not giving me details on why we just didn't work. I don't want her to change just because I said she didn't. You guys have said to me "You should and could" it doesn't work. It never worked. The thing you have to do is tell them the problem in detail and offer help. I'm not saying you should do that, but that is how you deal with people like me who are thristy for awnsers.

I will say this again. My actions should not be forgiven. But I don't want people to asume things just because a video told them the other sides story instead of their own.

I don't know what my ex was thinking at all. I'm not going to asume things, but I know she was stressed to the point of being blinded by anger and my annoying harassment just made it worse.

This whole thing was my fault and my fault alone, but that doesn't mean my ex was innocent in the situation. As I said before, her anger fueled my over the top hate and harassment. I don't care if she changes, I just want her to know why this happened and why it was so dramatic.

Mimi is the best person I have ever met. She is kind, funny, beautiful, and she can make anyone feel special. Do I think her actions make her a terrible person? No.

When my ex made her rant, I did not watch it. I don't want to since I knew it was about me being an asshole, and not her saying why it was an issue in the first place, because neither of us really knew. I know now.

The first step in forgiveness is owning up to your mistakes. I don't want to be forgiven from the past though. I really don't want my action to be forgiven... but I don't want to be harassed.

Just because I harassed my ex, doesn't mean you guys should harass me. And that is a problem I see in the CP fandom. We don't know when we are helping and when we are harassing others.

That video's comments made me cry. I am not a terrible person. The people who have talked to me know that. I did horrible actions. Instead of judging the person, I want to judge the actions and come to peaceful resolutions. That's not going to happen with me alone.

To my ex and her white knights. Yes uou have them they are the same people who comment on this issue. I hope you relized that you did terrible actions. There were ways to deal with it, but judging me as a whole is not how you do it. I did it and it got me into this mess. I am telling you now before you go further to stop. Stop and think. Why is this happening? Talk to both sides. Don't assume. Tell them your views on the situation. Don't give advice unless they ask for it. I'm not telling you should do this, I am just saying how to approach these kind of situations.

Leaved and her friends are amazing people. You all just did poor actions in my eyes. Some people will say you guys are heros for breaking me to the point where I lost all respect from you.

I hope you all understand the situation a little more. This is my side, it doesn't mean I am right.

For the people who read everything, thank you. I am sorry for this drama I started, I want to finish it before I dig my grave even deeper then it is.

For those who aren't going to ignore this and type down "You're not over it. Get a job. Get therpy. You're a horrible person." Fine. Go ahead. Those words are not going to change me. You are only the problem. Do not bother.

My actions should never be forgiven. Ever. They were terrible. I just hope you guys can understand that I did them for all the wrong reasons when I thought they were good.

Everyone is amazing. I've had a great two years in the fandom, but I've lost all respect for it now I see the true colors it can have when we just assume things without understanding it. I am glad to have friends who understand both sides of this situation because it shows that we have problems and they should be explored more not just fixed.

Thank you for your time. I am sorry for all the stress and drama I put out.

For those who want to follow my art and interact with me, without bringing this up, because I want to walk away from this but not forget, then note me and I'll send you my new account on deviantart. Thank you again.